A previous post, by way of advising us not to lie to ourselves, referenced an old-fashioned expression. To pull the wool over a person’s eyes means to try to fool them about something. It is such a common maneuver that it even has a synonym: to fleece someone, because that is another name for the woolly pelt of a sheep.

To lie to someone else is considered to be a very serious, aggressive act, and is often an actual crime that can lead to disgrace, physical revenge, loss of reputation, imprisonment, and several other varieties of retribution.

But to fleece oneself, to pull the wool over one’s own eyes, can bring about consequences that are infinitely worse. We might hedge by using a gentler vocabulary to advise, “Don’t kid yourself,” but the results will not differ, and can be unimaginably dire.

The end product of self-deception will inevitably be more destructive than any attempts to deceive another. Even the world’s most successful con artist, who makes billions from fleecing others, will ultimately run into disaster by lying to himself about some seemingly inconsequential detail. Ultimately, it just never works. The price always comes due.

An expert on this subject is Nirupama Surubhotla, a toxicology Ph.D. and author of “15 Styles of Distorted Thinking,” most of which involve lying to oneself in one way or another. A few of those mental fallacies will be paraphrased here, and it may not even be necessary to point out how they are connected with addiction — although the temptation to rub it in might prove too strong, on occasion.

For some reason, the perceived lack of fairness in circumstances — for instance, “It’s genetic! It runs in my family!” — is a favorite complaint of addicts everywhere, and to rid oneself of the compulsion to hide behind it can be a great, giant step toward freedom.

The fairness fallacy kicks in early. Children barely old enough to talk can be heard whining, “That’s not fair!” Grownups need to renounce this blatant self-deception. Truly, any appeal to fairness should be left behind at the toddler stage, because it does not befit an adult. Unless we are deep into Eastern spirituality, with an appreciation for the concept of karma, life just isn’t fair. That’s the long and short of it, and the sooner we absorb this fact, the happier we will be.

On the other hand — and this is not the contradiction that it initially seems — we should all maintain the personal goal of being fair, judging others fairly, ascertaining that any outcomes we have control over that affect others will be as fair as we can make them, and so forth. To realize that we might never receive the fairness we deserve, in no way excuses us from providing the maximum possible fairness to others in life.

Surubhotla discusses the control fallacy. To believe that one is externally controlled is to perceive oneself as a helpless victim of fate. It involves a lack of belief in the ability to make a difference in either one’s own life, or to the world in general, and “keeps you stuck.” It is obvious how this misconception can imprison a person in the thrall of addiction forever.

“Personalization” is the mistaken belief that everything is about “me me me.” Everything that anyone else says is a secret criticism directed at you. One symptom of this syndrome is compulsive comparison. Who is prettier, me or his last girlfriend? Who is smarter, me or that dork who looks like he lets his mother dress him, and his mother is blind? One way or another, everything in the world says something about your worth and value, and it is so exhausting, no wonder people turn to drugs in pursuit of oblivion!

Another brand of error the author identifies is global labeling, and her description of this fallacy is so definitive that it is included here in its entirety:

You generalize one or two qualities (in yourself or others) into a negative global judgment. Global labeling ignores all contrary evidence, creating a view of the world that can be stereotyped and one-dimensional. Labeling yourself can have a negative and insidious impact upon your self-esteem; while labeling others can lead to snap-judgments, relationship problems, and prejudice.

“Shoulds” populate another danger zone that should be zealously avoided (ha ha). To cherish “shoulds” is to view life in the shadow of strict rules. One set of them is for yourself, the other set is for other people, and nobody ever gets it right. You spend half your time judging the people around you, and the other half judging yourself, and it makes for a generally miserable situation.

Experts recommend listening to your own speech and thoughts, and if you hear in them the words should, ought, and must — this is when you must stop, and ought to think about the situation, and should decide to be less judgmental. (Again, ha ha. But seriously…)

Blame is a loser’s game because it’s worse than wrong; it’s useless. To blame other people is a pointless waste of energy. Even if they are responsible for your pain, to let them know how much they damage you only makes the situation worse! To blame yourself is ridiculous, because if you knew better, you would have done things differently in the first place. The author says, “In blame systems, you deny your right (and responsibility) to assert your needs, say no, or go elsewhere for what you want.” To learn how to take responsibility for these needs is an excellent reason to seek therapy.

The Fallacy of Change — this item is a biggie. We don’t even need to look up “fallacy” because we already know what it means: zip, zero, zilch, nada. To expect other people to change is a fool’s game. To change yourself, on the other hand, is totally doable, and if you go about it effectively, it will absorb all that excess energy that up until now you have been using to dig your own holes and throw yourself into them.

Written by Pat Hartman. First published January 30, 2026.

Source:

“15 Styles of Distorted Thinking,” BrainStrom.org, August 1, 2012.

Image Copyright: ibokel, OpenClipart-Vectors/Pixabay.